The Surprise that went wrong... =(

People said that love makes a person go crazy and mad...well...yea it is true...then again nothing went right..haiz...(as usual).. i was so crazy till i actually drove all the way from seremban to kedah just to see baby...cuz she was sick and i told her before that i'll take care of her when she's sick and i;ll always be there for her...so i stuck to my word. Yes it was crazy,i was very low in cash till i only have cash for a 1 way trip and had enough money only for a night stay in a cheap motel...so yea.. but then again, i promised baby that i'll always go the extra mile for her regardless of what might happen and regardless of what the circumstances are..so i did it.. not many people would do that, but i did it.. baby always knew that i would not come up to visit her or surprise her, but then again that was last time, now i'm a changed person...new and improved...but baby just cant see that...so i proved her theory wrong when i showed up to surprise her... it was a 6 hours drive ALONE... i woke up at 6something, had breakfast with mum then off to pj to unload my stuff then off to kedah... well everything when well on the way up but..... i was wrong..
I didn't eat since last night and didn't sleep well.. so my vision was blur and i had gastric.. but yea, i still just tahan everything and drove up all the way.. crazy and sad i know..haiz..what to do..
  well now i regret coming up, i should not have came up..hmm...this is cuz i wasn't welcomed by baby's parents anymore..i was outsider, a stranger, no difference compared to a beggar who came from somewhere are hoping for shelter but was reluctantly given shelter. Anyway, as the saying goes, beggars have no choice, so i just didn't say anything. I felt so lost..baby's parents were just angry and pissed..but the dad kept it in, but the mum didn't..i saw and knew all these thats why i just kept quiet and kept everything to myself..baby kept on asking me to talk to her dad, but i didn't feel like it as well cuz i know i was no one to talk to him..just a stranger, just a beggar...everyone started treating me mean and bad...i guess that's how i'm gonna be treated from now onwards..just so sad i'm just so lost of words right now..hmm.. people all say that sacrifice is worth it, but sometimes when u sacrifice too much...you'll just be left with full of disappointment and sadness. But its just worth it when the girl that you love means the world to you and you would do just about anything for her as she's just a part of you and without her, you just feel that you're missing something and you just dont know what..
   When i came to kedah, i was rounding around and checking out how it looks now...its so different..some new improvements here and there..rounding around just made me forget all my problems for awhile as i was busy finding my way and i had this thought in me that i would not be welcomed, true enough i was right..memories were haunting me everywhere i went..hmm.. i surprised baby at the park.. she thought that my dad would come and pass her something, but i showed up..baby's face was so cute and adorable..she was just so speechless and didn't know what to say..the look on baby's face was just so sweet and nice...i would do anything just to see that look on her face again.. when i saw her face i just wanted to hug and kiss her so badly but unfortunately i just could not.. haiz.. so sad and full of sadness...
after the surprise was over, i had to follow baby home to see her parents but it wasn't like how i expected it to be..haiz.. after i was not welcomed at her house, baby brought me out to get something to eat as i did not eat at all..i just drove all the way with a terrible gastric.. i bought chinese herbs for baby cuz i knew she was sick and she would not do anything about it, so i went the extra step and mile to do it for her..
    I just had so much courage and it took me so much courage to get myself on my butt and drive all the way to kedah to see her. The main reason why i came up to kedah is not cuz for fun, but cuz i wanted to see baby as well as take care of her. It was doing a good deed but unfortunately baby's parents didn't see it that way.. haiz.. i may not be your daughter's perfect bf, but i sure know how to keep her safe, company and always be there for her.. i'll be her shoulder she can cry on, the bed that she sleeps on, i'll also be her sirap ice when she drinks it cuz it is as sweet as she is, and finally i'll be heart that will keep her alive till i'm gone. Nowadays, i write stuff on FB or whatsoever in Latin as no one will bother translating it..well, thats how i express myself these days without baby in my life anymore...its just so difficult.. i think baby doesn't even feel a thing..she probably doesn't even know what is pain or hurt, anyways thanx for putting me through this..hope you're enjoying what you see..you've won..
    Today was one of those really bad days for me..i watched baby cry infront of me, and i could not do anything but to just look at her...i just wanted to hug her and kiss her and tell her that everything would be alright cuz we can always find a way to solve the problem. We always have and we always did. The both of us i mean..we're at our best when we're together not when we're apart, cuz when we're apart nothing seems to be right and nothing seems to be working out the way we want it to. I just got to wipe baby's eyes and tell her not to cry..i so wished i could do more but i couldn't..that really broke my heart into more pieces. For i have and always had done things for baby to make her feel better...but this time i was just so helpless.sad and lost of words,,i just didn't know what else to do anymore. When baby walked into her room, the tears in my eyes were just at my eyelids..i just controlled my tears..polo was just staring at me...i think even he knows how i feel cuz dogs have a special sense that they can sense people when they are in pain, sorrow and also hurting inside. Probably thats one of the reasons why he keeps on playing with baby,baby's dad and of course me.. as i'm typing here now, he's here comforting me.. how sweet of him..
     When it was time for dinner, baby's dad said that we should go in 2 cars..baby's mum didn't exactly have the best look on her face...she was just pissed and angry at me..its ok i understand..baby and i were in the same car, we were talking about what had happened and baby started crying again, which i could not take it that made me cry too..i was just so sad and disappointed of the situation and how i'm being treated like an outcast. We both cried in the car today...it doesn't happen often, but when it does, it is something that is really hurting us. I really wanted to tell baby that things doesn't have to be this way...she and i both know that... if only she took me back, everything would be normal but i would be new and improved thats for sure. As usual i didn't tell her that and all i said was my usual word nothing. Cuz i knew if i told her that, she'll probably just say something that would hurt me even more, so its best to just pretend that everything is fine. My boys all like baby very much, but when she broke my heart and started flirting around with a guy in Penang, they all just lost it... they were so angry and pissed at her till today..i don't blame them for they always wanted me to be happy as they knew i've been through hell and when baby came into my life everything changed and my boys got to see the best side of me everytime. But now, the best of me is gone and what they see in my is just what's left of me.
     I never expected baby to be like this, we all didn't..we always thought she was the kind hearted person that would love the person she loved most with all her heart, i guess all of us were wrong. We all are so disappointed and sad. My boys now call her names that sometimes we will argue and fight among ourselves. What can we do anyway.. right?
     Well before i end this post, i would just want to say a few things, first of all...baby i hoped u like the surprise i did for you..i sacrificed alot..though it might not have been the best surprise ever, but at least i proved you wrong and showed you that i've changed. I always said and gave excuses that i won't come and visit you and stuff like that, but i did..i proved you wrong..for sometimes when the heart wants something, it'll go through whatever obstacles that comes in its way, regardless of how difficult and how painful it is.. really hoped i made you're day as i also brought some chinese herbs for you to take as you were sick. And yes, i'll mention it again that i kept to my promise when i said i'll take care of you even when you are sick, even when you are paralyzed and bed ridden and surviving on the life support, i'll still be taking care for you, for i have and never will break that promise. I came all this way for something..not for nothing.
    Uncle, you probably hate me and dislike me now..its ok i understand.. don't just hate me for a small thing, what happened to forgive and forget?... thanx for everything uncle..regardless of what you said and did about and to me, i forgive you for that.
   Aunty,  we all can see that u already dislike and hate me... its so obvious..anyway, i'm sure you have been in love before..didn't you loved that feeling? didn't you do crazy things when you were in love?... well think about it for a sec, for a person to come all the way from seremban for your daughter isn't that something? tell me...has anyone done that for her? has anyone actually gone the extra mile for her? i travelled alone by myself..the least you could do is at least understand the situation and understand how much i love your beloved daughter..is it so difficult to put a smiling face as well as understand me? it is not difficult unless you want it to be.. i'm only human..i do have feelings,i do know what is sad and what is pain as well as hurt and i can also sense what is wrong and right.. thanx again for everything aunty.. your daughter doesn't want to give me a chance for me to prove myself to her, yourself and uncle..so u'll probably won't see me anymore in your life. Sorry.


Baby.. Clinging on to you is the only reason that i get to wake up everyday with strength and hope

"A determined man finds the way; the other finds an excuse or alibi"